Our loving cup has recently been running rather dry
Something's missing in your life, I'm almost sure.
To cheer you up, I've thought of something you might like to try
It's an old traditional cure...

Maybe you should have an affair
With some good-looking younger guy
He'll be slightly dumb
But with a pert little bum
That one day catches your eye.
At first, it won't be an affair
But you'll both soon discover
That your heart-to-hearts
Start to lead to parts
Conversation doesn't quite cover.
One night you'll be beside him, together in his car
He said he'll drive you home because it's dark.
You'll stop to talk things over in a local public bar
Then suddenly you're at in the pub car park.
You'll think that it's not serious, it's just a bit of fun
As you teach your young dog new tricks.
But soon you'll find you're doing things that you haven't done
Since 1996.

I'll know all about your affair
It will be so plain to see
From the swing in your hips
And the smile on your lips
I'll just know wasn't put there by me.
But I'll be cool about your affair
I won't sulk or go berserk
I'll stay safe and sound
On the moral high ground
While you're out, doing all the work.
And he'll want it when he sees you, before you've time to think
He'll want to have you right there and then.
And you'll have had a busy day and you'll be dying for a drink,
You'll be thinking to yourself, 'Here we go again.'
And he'll take to the heights and then he'll take you higher
Your deep and secret passions try to stir.
He'll be clambering up a mountain peak of personal desire
When an amble in the foothills is what you'd prefer.

You'll wonder about your affair
All the lies you have to tell
And the stab of shame
As you give a false name
Checking in at a Novotel.
When he tells you how much cares
All the things about you he misses
You'll begin to feel
Like a hamster on a wheel
On a grim treadmill of kisses.
And I'll see it in the way you look, I'll hear it in your sighs
As you lie awake beside me in the night
And part of me will watch you with a heart as cold as ice
While the other part will long to reach and hold you tight.
But we'll keep it all together, as married couples do,
Because I love you and I'll never let you go
But now and then alone when it's just me and you
We'll look at one another and we will know.

Maybe you should have an affair
With some good-looking younger guy
He'll be slightly dumb
But with a pert little bum
That one day catches your eye.